Heartbreak. Rejection. Anger. Some of the least pleasant emotions we are faced with and a triple whammy when you’re handling a breakup. So how do you survive when it feels like everything you knew has changed? We asked love experts what to do.
Allow yourself to grieve
Whether it was a love for the ages or a short relationship that had run its course you need to give yourself the space to process your loss and let go of the relationship. As Lorelai reminded her daughter in the Gilmore Girls you will feel better if you wallow. So grab a tub of ice cream, snuggle into some luxurious sheets and give yourself a break from the world.
5 steps to healing
Melissa Ferrari is a relationship expert and psychotherapist who has written on mending broken hearts before. Her short and sweet advice for healing is below:
"Break-ups are tough, so it's important to take the right approach so you can heal faster. My top five tips for mending a broken heart are to:
1. Take care of yourself
2. Surround yourself with friends
3. Don't go on the rebound too quickly
4. Get off social media
5. Most importantly, accept that the relationship is over."
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A night at home with good friends and a bottle of wine where you can vent or cry or just be reminded how amazing you are is heartbreak medicine 101. Cosy up together on your outdoor sofa so you can yell to the atmosphere about what a jerk your ex is and maybe even how much you miss them.
Act with class
Alicia Young is the author of The Savvy Girl’s Guide to Grace: Small Touches With Big Impact - At Home, Work & In Love. She says you should channel your inner Audrey Hepburn to survive a breakup and follow these 6 rules:
“* Put down your phone. No oversharing on social media. No venting. No rush to present your side of the breakup in posts, either cryptic or overt. Do not, do not, do not run down your ex.
*Silence is graceful. Those who will need to know, will know in time.
* Hibernate a little while. Park yourself on the sofa for a day or two, if you can. Cry. Vent. Shut out the world.
* Now is the time to be gentle to yourself - you're raw and vulnerable.
*Plan something to look forward to.
*Resist the urge to rip up photos.
PS: Take a tip from Kate Middleton. When she broke up with Prince William, she emerged the next day – radiant, smiling and off to play tennis.
Without saying a word, she conveyed: I’m fine. Look at what you’re missing.
And we all know how that turned out …”
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Find what works for you
Rachael Sharrer knows the pain of heartbreak almost too well which is what inspired her to create Divorce Answered, a website to help you navigate the difficulties of divorce when children are a factor. Here’s just one of her useful tips for surviving the breakup:
“MUSIC. Music moves moods. It can change your emotional state dramatically and quickly. Best of all, it has been scientifically proven! Depending on the genre of music that you like, you might like to consider creating different song list or compilations for your different moods. Once you have your music on, allow the music to move your body – sing, sway, dance and jump as you feel appropriate. Dance and sing in the dark. “Dance like no-one is watching. Sing like no one can hear.” Do it unreservedly and note how good it makes you feel.
If you are struggling with the end of the relationship or break-up, please seek the assistance from a therapist, counsellor, psychologist or your GP.
Everyone handles breaking up in different ways. There is no wrong or right way to break up or recover from a break up. When you are ready to move on, remember that you are at your most attractive when you are happy with yourself and your life. As the saying goes, someone great will come into your life when you least expect it.”
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For a while it will feel like your world has fallen apart and then slowly but surely it won’t. The thing about surviving a breakup is remembering how many people have done just that and you will too.